| when i talk, no one understands...
this is why i don't talk about myself very often..
unless you see the whole picture, i'm a monster..
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| some times i feel like peoples problems are just so ridiculous...
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| I'm so done.
the problem is, i don't know what's just finished..
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| I've been dogged for a while and i couldn't figure out what it is.. but tonight... maybe..
I'm a failure. A spectacular failure. I wake up in the morning a failure and when i sleep at night, nothing's changed.
Its the worst kind i can imagine. Look at me: a university degree, a college graduate certification. I'm smart, clever, creative, talented... god even felt it fitting to blessed me with an ability to succeed in whatever i do.. i always have. There's never been a job i couldn't handle.. and i've done so many.. but look at me: jobless, broke, and with little to no prospect, energy or hope. I can't sleep at night, and i can't wake up in the morning. I don't eat, yet i push my body to the brink time and time again for little more than a few accolades, and i claim to be happy. i tell people i'm fine, and i preach that people should be open and honest.. a self profesed hypocrite, but i curse anyone who'd act as i do... maybe thats because i know what goes hand in hand with it..
I feel like im noah, and i've been given all the tools the skills and knowledge... but i can't build a boat to save my life, and now, i'm drowning, and worse, i can't save thoes that were put in my charge...
Deep down inside, i'm lost. I think im afraid. Afraid that when i succeed, my dreams will have fallen to the wayside.. i don't mean the dreams of movie making or being a professional muscian.. thoes seem to be my 'plans'. I have dreams that im even afraid to admit... and when i think about a life without them, i feel dead inside.. I know success might kill them.. is that why?
they say, i was born old. mature, and well adjusted. I had so much promise.. but now i fail to realise it.. and i just don't know how to fix me, because that's the problem. not that i don't have a job, or money... the problem is me.
pft.... and i thought i was going to save the world.
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| yesterday i was given a book, i'd never heard of. Today i read it cover to cover.
who'd have known peace was hidden in its pages..
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